Like a lot of recovering anxiously-perfectionist first-born millennial daughters, I am spending a lot of my late thirties reflecting on the revolutionary idea that I don’t always have to do what other people want or pressure me to do, and that ‘no’ is a complete sentence.
Thanks for sharing this vulnerability, Gillian. I spent yesterday researching art galleries and curators to contact and then this morning talking myself out of it, telling myself I'm not good enough/not ready. Stretching ourselves creatively is scary. Admitting our creative ambitions is vulnerable - what if we fail? But I find David Bowie's words always with remembering: "Always go a little further into the water than you feel you're capable of being. Go a little bit out of your depth and when you don't feel your feet are quite touching the bottom, you're just about in the right place to do something exciting."
I just looked at a bunch of your art. Stop stopping yourself and get it out there. It's good. People need it. You are depriving them by holding back. Get yourself a print on demand account and make prints and products available to people who can't afford the $3K your 30x40 originals cost (see what I did there!) - Consider this a push from the universe!!!!
I hope Gillian gets her work out there, too - she's awesome.
I'd love each and every one of these books. Maybe the "dark" ones even more than others; I always connect with things that express the less pretty side of things.
The idea of a book of visual poems sounds amazing, what an interesting idea!
Here's to finding your way out of the road of expectations and into the wilderness of your soul. 💙
I see you Gillian wanting to be the giraffe in the drawer of gingerbread cookie cutters! When I am asked to share, create, and magic something into existence that feels way too weird, I remind myself that it's not about me, its about the people or the one person that reads it and knows it was meant for them. To heal, to process, to be heard, to be seen. It's those times when someone needs it most. That mostly stops the sick, slightly wonky feeling that might stop me. Here's to being a giraffe. 🙏
I so relate to lots of this (I'm really intrigued by no. 6!)
I'm putting off the next (last?) Stage of a creative project, because I know it will be uncomfortable. And I can't do the next stage until I've covered this. It was going to be done 'in the summer', and now it's 'when the term starts'...🤞! x
Just what I needed to read, thank you! I've been trying to set work boundaries, and actually had a client thank me for that, which was a surprise (and a relief). The phrase 'neglectful owner' caught me - indeed, I think that a large part of the tangle of fear and anxiety is a kind of guilt about not doing the things I know only I am responsible for. Almost a perverse pleasure in neglecting my own ambitions. Lots to think about. And I'm very excited to see what you do with these ideas, they're all wonderful.
I have similar struggles! Would love to see #4; I was very creative as a kid through college but then allowed life's struggles to get in the way. I'm in my 50s now and trying to write a book like my teachers told me I should 30+ years ago. 😊
Your images are already filled with a breadth & a depth, like wafting memories held gently & sparkling horizons near but far.. . I think we probably all feel that sometimes these glimmering horizons are rare & we all I think seek them.. . Your art certainly brings an underlying beauty to it all! It’s so true that maybe sharing the beauty is easier than sharing the rocky & sometimes grueling/sad/desperate/exacerbating/severe/lonely paths it takes us to get there, so it would be interesting & probably quite beneficial to see these thoughts through your precious eyes & images! {Can I also put in a vote for a book dedicated to your artwork & sketches, so many artists are putting these out there & I just love your work so much, I’d love to thumb through it on raincloudy days!} hearts to you & your daughter {I just heard/read her beautiful list!}
Whew does this resonate with me right now. ‘Creative’ is something I’ve found my way back to this year after spending a bulk of my adult life squashing it in medical training/medical practice. Putting out creative work via Substack has been a process of uncovering all of the perfectionism and self-protection I thought was much less present these days. Thanks for these words. (Also yes please #3 and #4)
Oh I know what you mean. So many ideas pop into my head about what I want to write and share and create, and it just stays there. I feel frozen in fear and indecision. I see now that there's a part of me that feels that it's bad to share those things, that I'm being bad for sharing and being too much. Most likely this is trauma from my childhood.
I want to read all those books you shared that you're afraid to write. They all seem exciting and interesting to me, and so real! I long for deep and raw and real, even as I feel that knot of fear in my stomach about sharing those exact things.
Thanks for sharing this vulnerability, Gillian. I spent yesterday researching art galleries and curators to contact and then this morning talking myself out of it, telling myself I'm not good enough/not ready. Stretching ourselves creatively is scary. Admitting our creative ambitions is vulnerable - what if we fail? But I find David Bowie's words always with remembering: "Always go a little further into the water than you feel you're capable of being. Go a little bit out of your depth and when you don't feel your feet are quite touching the bottom, you're just about in the right place to do something exciting."
I just looked at a bunch of your art. Stop stopping yourself and get it out there. It's good. People need it. You are depriving them by holding back. Get yourself a print on demand account and make prints and products available to people who can't afford the $3K your 30x40 originals cost (see what I did there!) - Consider this a push from the universe!!!!
I hope Gillian gets her work out there, too - she's awesome.
I'd love each and every one of these books. Maybe the "dark" ones even more than others; I always connect with things that express the less pretty side of things.
The idea of a book of visual poems sounds amazing, what an interesting idea!
Here's to finding your way out of the road of expectations and into the wilderness of your soul. 💙
I see you Gillian wanting to be the giraffe in the drawer of gingerbread cookie cutters! When I am asked to share, create, and magic something into existence that feels way too weird, I remind myself that it's not about me, its about the people or the one person that reads it and knows it was meant for them. To heal, to process, to be heard, to be seen. It's those times when someone needs it most. That mostly stops the sick, slightly wonky feeling that might stop me. Here's to being a giraffe. 🙏
Putting my hand up for a copy of no.4! x
I so relate to lots of this (I'm really intrigued by no. 6!)
I'm putting off the next (last?) Stage of a creative project, because I know it will be uncomfortable. And I can't do the next stage until I've covered this. It was going to be done 'in the summer', and now it's 'when the term starts'...🤞! x
Just what I needed to read, thank you! I've been trying to set work boundaries, and actually had a client thank me for that, which was a surprise (and a relief). The phrase 'neglectful owner' caught me - indeed, I think that a large part of the tangle of fear and anxiety is a kind of guilt about not doing the things I know only I am responsible for. Almost a perverse pleasure in neglecting my own ambitions. Lots to think about. And I'm very excited to see what you do with these ideas, they're all wonderful.
I have similar struggles! Would love to see #4; I was very creative as a kid through college but then allowed life's struggles to get in the way. I'm in my 50s now and trying to write a book like my teachers told me I should 30+ years ago. 😊
Your images are already filled with a breadth & a depth, like wafting memories held gently & sparkling horizons near but far.. . I think we probably all feel that sometimes these glimmering horizons are rare & we all I think seek them.. . Your art certainly brings an underlying beauty to it all! It’s so true that maybe sharing the beauty is easier than sharing the rocky & sometimes grueling/sad/desperate/exacerbating/severe/lonely paths it takes us to get there, so it would be interesting & probably quite beneficial to see these thoughts through your precious eyes & images! {Can I also put in a vote for a book dedicated to your artwork & sketches, so many artists are putting these out there & I just love your work so much, I’d love to thumb through it on raincloudy days!} hearts to you & your daughter {I just heard/read her beautiful list!}
To say I resonate with all you said would be an understatement. I sometimes wonder how any art makes it into the world at all.
I would love to read all of them. 😀
Yes please. Especially to 5. ❤️
Whew does this resonate with me right now. ‘Creative’ is something I’ve found my way back to this year after spending a bulk of my adult life squashing it in medical training/medical practice. Putting out creative work via Substack has been a process of uncovering all of the perfectionism and self-protection I thought was much less present these days. Thanks for these words. (Also yes please #3 and #4)
"Rebellious hope" is such a gorgeous phrase... as are these more niche project ideas. Lovely!!!
I love all your ideas and particularly love 3 & 4. A death book written by you sounds yummy some how.
I always come tou your substack because I feel like I am getting a bit of a cuddle. :o)
No deep thoughts here, just go for #2 and #4. 😊
Oh I know what you mean. So many ideas pop into my head about what I want to write and share and create, and it just stays there. I feel frozen in fear and indecision. I see now that there's a part of me that feels that it's bad to share those things, that I'm being bad for sharing and being too much. Most likely this is trauma from my childhood.
I want to read all those books you shared that you're afraid to write. They all seem exciting and interesting to me, and so real! I long for deep and raw and real, even as I feel that knot of fear in my stomach about sharing those exact things.